Ten years later, September 11th is still such an emotional thing that I am having trouble watching the coverage on television. When we get to the anniversary it is like picking a scab you thought had healed. I have put myself on a media lock down. When I reflect back, I wonder how we made it through such a horrific event and have come out whole, that we have found a new normal.
The day started like many others. I woke up, turned on the Today show and got ready for work. I remember them talking about the date being 9-11 and thinking that was kind of weird. I took Colin to Tricia's house and went to work. I was doing a project and needed to run a bunch of reports and I also had a meeting to discuss the design of a new website that I needed to prepare for. I was deep into it when my boss walked out of his office to tell us that a plane had flown into Tower 1. My immediate reaction was to call Ann who was, at that time a stay-at-home mom.
I was on the phone with her as the second plane hit. It has become my definition for unbelievable. I remember whispering because I thought I would be in trouble for making a personal call. I was trying to sneak onto to Internet but all the news sites had crashed. I went about my day and still had the meeting in the afternoon for the website. Before I went in the meeting they had grounded all flights and I really needed to Fedex some drawings to a customer and it wouldn't go out. I was irritated by the inconvenience. Right before I went in, Dave had called me to tell me that a plane had turned around over Cleveland and was heading back to Washington. I thought it was all wild speculation and it couldn't be true. Too much had already happened and I just couldn't believe it was still going on. Certainly enough had already happened and we couldn't take any more.
As I was in my meeting the towers started to collapse and the Pentagon was hit. It was at this time that we called the meeting off. One of the designer's best friends was a flight attendant and he couldn't find out where she was. Amazingly, we stayed at work all day. When I finally got home I went out to get the mail to find out that our neighbor that we really didn't know that well, had a son that lived in Washington and they hadn't heard from him. He didn't really have business in the Pentagon so they thought he must be okay, but there was no telling what else was going to happen and where it would hit. Public transportation had been shut down and he had to walk home. The phone lines were jammed and he couldn't get through. He ended up being fine.
We watched the around-the-clock coverage. There was literally nothing else on and it was so horrible and unbelievable that you just couldn't look away. Peter Jennings cried on air when he finally heard from his kids. The feelings were overwhelming and so diverse. It was fear, intense sadness, anger, patiotism, confusion, hopelessness and despair, loneliness and strangely at the same time, solidarity. It was truly a loss of innocence and peace. It divided things into before and after.
The strangest thing for me, aside from the obvious was that they suspended all flights of any kind. We live by a small private airport and the intense quiet was eerie. It is the same effect when the electricity goes off and then you notice the noises of the house by their silence. Conversely, when they started flying again it was so strange to hear it again and I was strangely scared.
I remember going to church that week and trying so hard not to cry. When I reflect back, I wonder why I just didn't let it out. I can't believe we stayed at work all day. I can't believe we went back the next. I can't believe we were able to go through that time and come out on the other side.
No, I can't believe anyone alive that day will ever forget. I am forever changed, some for the good, and some for the bad. I find that I am more willing to go out of my way to help others, and would like to think that I am a bit less self-centered, but I am also much more vigilant and protective. I no longer think that I am guaranteed a tomorrow. I no longer believe that America is always right, but I still believe that this is the best place on earth to live and if people had the opportunity to come and see what we are all about, they would most likely agree. I am thankful that we have been able to make a new kind of normal, but I will never forget. No, I will never forget.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Bus Stop Talk
This is the conversation Ryan and I had on the way home from the bus stop today:
Me: How was your day?
Ryan: MOM, I AM SO ANNOYED!
Me: What happened?
Ryan: I sat next to Susie* on the bus and now Pete* keeps saying I have a girlfriend! I am too young to have a girlfriend!
Me: (silently in my head: HELL YES YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!)
Me: (out loud) Don't worry about it, they are just trying to make you mad.
Ryan: (with all the attitude his little body can muster, and that is a lot of attitude) Well, I'm MAD ALRIGHT!
I had to walk ahead of him the rest of the way home so he couldn't see me laughing. Then he would have been mad at me, and Lord knows I don't want that reigning down on me!
Upon reading this, it might only be funny if you were there. Sorry
*names have been changed to protect the somewhat innocent.
Me: How was your day?
Ryan: MOM, I AM SO ANNOYED!
Me: What happened?
Ryan: I sat next to Susie* on the bus and now Pete* keeps saying I have a girlfriend! I am too young to have a girlfriend!
Me: (silently in my head: HELL YES YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!)
Me: (out loud) Don't worry about it, they are just trying to make you mad.
Ryan: (with all the attitude his little body can muster, and that is a lot of attitude) Well, I'm MAD ALRIGHT!
I had to walk ahead of him the rest of the way home so he couldn't see me laughing. Then he would have been mad at me, and Lord knows I don't want that reigning down on me!
Upon reading this, it might only be funny if you were there. Sorry
*names have been changed to protect the somewhat innocent.
Monday, September 5, 2011
11 Favorite Things About Colin
Colin has pointed out that I have been more vocal about Ryan and I wanted to even the scales. Here are my 11 favorite things about him since he is now officially 11 and a half.
1. He is my first born and I had five full years of him all to myself without distraction. Those were some of the best years of my life.
2. Colin has always been a great conversationalist. Now that he is getting older and we have more in common, I love talking to him even more.
3. The sound of Colin's laughter is better than the best music and is one of my favorite sounds.
4. I love that he is willing to go with the flow if I ask him to, even and especially when I know that he is hesitant or aprehensive.
5. I love that he loves to read. It is my favorite thing to do, and I am glad that he can enjoy it with me.
6. I am so happy that he has developed a sense of self and is not afraid to stand up for himself, even and especially when it is not the easy road to take. This will serve him well in life.
7. He is kind to everyone with the exception of his brother. He could work on that a little bit, but Ryan does not make it easy.
8. Colin has a wicked sense of humor. It is very dry and when delivered by an 11 year old it cracks me up.
9. He looks before he leaps. He thinks things through to see the end result before he gets involved. I am thankful for that the closer he gets to his teenage years.
10. Colin is very helpful. While he is not the quickest to jump when I ask him to do things, I do appreciate all he does.
11. Ryan doesn't understand this yet, but Colin is a great brother. They could not be any more different if they tried, it is a good thing that Colin is older. Anyone else would have lost it, and Colin has too, but he does have a tremendous amount of patience with him.
Colin, I am so glad that I get to be your mom. I love you!
1. He is my first born and I had five full years of him all to myself without distraction. Those were some of the best years of my life.
2. Colin has always been a great conversationalist. Now that he is getting older and we have more in common, I love talking to him even more.
3. The sound of Colin's laughter is better than the best music and is one of my favorite sounds.
4. I love that he is willing to go with the flow if I ask him to, even and especially when I know that he is hesitant or aprehensive.
5. I love that he loves to read. It is my favorite thing to do, and I am glad that he can enjoy it with me.
6. I am so happy that he has developed a sense of self and is not afraid to stand up for himself, even and especially when it is not the easy road to take. This will serve him well in life.
7. He is kind to everyone with the exception of his brother. He could work on that a little bit, but Ryan does not make it easy.
8. Colin has a wicked sense of humor. It is very dry and when delivered by an 11 year old it cracks me up.
9. He looks before he leaps. He thinks things through to see the end result before he gets involved. I am thankful for that the closer he gets to his teenage years.
10. Colin is very helpful. While he is not the quickest to jump when I ask him to do things, I do appreciate all he does.
11. Ryan doesn't understand this yet, but Colin is a great brother. They could not be any more different if they tried, it is a good thing that Colin is older. Anyone else would have lost it, and Colin has too, but he does have a tremendous amount of patience with him.
Colin, I am so glad that I get to be your mom. I love you!
Monday, August 29, 2011
And So It Begins....
We are now starting the first full week of school, and so far so good. The day before it began Ryan had a hard time falling asleep because his eyes just didn't want to stay shut. He asked me over and over again how he would know when it was time to get off the bus. When I answered that when he got to his school the bus driver would tell him, he just wasn't satisfied. Of all the things I thought would make him nervous, this wasn't even on my radar. We had open house so he got to meet his teacher and see where he sat and where to put his stuff. He got to meet the lunch lady and see where the bathroom is located. That really seemed to calm him down.
The big morning came and Dave went into work late to see him get on the bus. We all waited down at the corner and the bus came. He hopped right on and waved to us from the window. No muss, no fuss. Just hopped right on. Most of me was really glad it went that way. I didn't have to worry that he was upset and alone for the first time ever. A tiny part of me was really sad because I realized that this was the last time one of my kids would be starting school for the first time. My boy is growing up.
I wasn't as ready as I thought I was.
The big morning came and Dave went into work late to see him get on the bus. We all waited down at the corner and the bus came. He hopped right on and waved to us from the window. No muss, no fuss. Just hopped right on. Most of me was really glad it went that way. I didn't have to worry that he was upset and alone for the first time ever. A tiny part of me was really sad because I realized that this was the last time one of my kids would be starting school for the first time. My boy is growing up.
I wasn't as ready as I thought I was.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The Bookends
Lauren is starting college next week, and since she is going to become a Golden Flash, (go Kent State University!) I asked if she would like to go over to the campus and map out the best path to get to her classes. We decided to go today, so I took the boys and met Lauren and William at the student center.
We call Lauren and Ryan the bookends because she is the oldest and he is the youngest. While we were waiting for Lauren and William eat their Subway sandwiches and mapping out our plan, Ryan told Lauren (yet again) that he is starting Kindergarten. It is at times like this that I can truly see the full scope of our family and where we are in our lives, how far the kids have come, and how much farther some of them have to go.
Both of them are embarking on a new educational career. They are both nervous about how things are going to go, meeting new friends, and finding their classrooms. Lauren has already successfully navigated the wild and dangerous waters known as high school. She graduated and made it into the honors college at KSU. She is carrying on in the fine tradition of both of her parents and Dave and me, too. I am so excited for what is ahead of her.
Ryan has successfully navigated the dangerous waters of Kathy's Preschool. (You may have heard me tell just about anyone that will listen to me how much I loved it there.) He has had to deal with his first bully, crusts on his sandwich and nap time. Oh how he hated nap time. His eyes were never tired and had a really hard time staying closed.
I think it is safe to say that they are both ready for their respective challenges, and I can't wait to hear about their first days. I will keep you posted.
We call Lauren and Ryan the bookends because she is the oldest and he is the youngest. While we were waiting for Lauren and William eat their Subway sandwiches and mapping out our plan, Ryan told Lauren (yet again) that he is starting Kindergarten. It is at times like this that I can truly see the full scope of our family and where we are in our lives, how far the kids have come, and how much farther some of them have to go.
Both of them are embarking on a new educational career. They are both nervous about how things are going to go, meeting new friends, and finding their classrooms. Lauren has already successfully navigated the wild and dangerous waters known as high school. She graduated and made it into the honors college at KSU. She is carrying on in the fine tradition of both of her parents and Dave and me, too. I am so excited for what is ahead of her.
Ryan has successfully navigated the dangerous waters of Kathy's Preschool. (You may have heard me tell just about anyone that will listen to me how much I loved it there.) He has had to deal with his first bully, crusts on his sandwich and nap time. Oh how he hated nap time. His eyes were never tired and had a really hard time staying closed.
I think it is safe to say that they are both ready for their respective challenges, and I can't wait to hear about their first days. I will keep you posted.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Take Me Out To The Ballgame!
When Dave and I were dating and had what seemed like unlimited time and money, we used to go to about eight to ten Indians games a year. We started going when they were at Municipal Stadium where every seat had a great view of a pole. We even went to the Final Series. I can't tell you how many times we have gone at Jacob's Field/Progressive Field, but it is a ton.
When we were going that much it was when the team was really good in the mid 90's and one of our favorite players was Jim Thome. He currently has 598 home runs and Dave wanted to go to see him play this weekend with the Minnisota Twins in the hope that he would hit #600 while we were there. So we packed up the boys and headed out to the game.
When I go to the game it is a lot less about seeing baseball and more about people watching. Here are a few things I observed:
1. I had to go to the bathroom. Perhaps I am a total germaphobe, but one of the first things I can remember my mom telling me is that we do not take food into the bathroom. I couldn't believe it when someone was standing in the sink area holding an entire hot pretzel the size of her head. I can only pray that she did not take it into the stall with her or I would have had to throw up on it for her so she could not possibly eat it. I would have been doing her a favor. I was also questioning whether or not she actually washed her hands, or where she put it while she did it. Obviously I have given this way too much thought.
2. As each player walks to the plate to bat, they get to choose the music that is playing. It ranges from country to rap to spanish rock. There was even an Irish Jig for Jack Hannahan. To the man that was sitting next to me before we had to move because you were so annoying, with music that diverse, it is not appropriate to do the robot dance with all of them. Also, sometimes it is appropriate to JUST STOP TALKING!
3. To Sandy Duncan, thanks for signing an autograph for Colin. It really made his day that a real life athelete at a real life professional sporting event took the time to do that. I know you are not a superstar of the team, but you are a nice guy.
4. Again, just because you can fit into clothes from the junior department doesn't mean you should wear them. If you are no longer a junior, please stop shopping there! I AM BEGGING YOU.
5. Finally, I didn't really want to go to the game. One of the symptoms I have with my high anxiety and depression is that it always seems like things will take an unattainable amount of energy to accomplish anything. All week, whenever Dave would talk about it I would have some excuse for why I didn't want to go. If I would have succeeded in talking him out of it I would have missed a night filled with this:
When we were going that much it was when the team was really good in the mid 90's and one of our favorite players was Jim Thome. He currently has 598 home runs and Dave wanted to go to see him play this weekend with the Minnisota Twins in the hope that he would hit #600 while we were there. So we packed up the boys and headed out to the game.
When I go to the game it is a lot less about seeing baseball and more about people watching. Here are a few things I observed:
1. I had to go to the bathroom. Perhaps I am a total germaphobe, but one of the first things I can remember my mom telling me is that we do not take food into the bathroom. I couldn't believe it when someone was standing in the sink area holding an entire hot pretzel the size of her head. I can only pray that she did not take it into the stall with her or I would have had to throw up on it for her so she could not possibly eat it. I would have been doing her a favor. I was also questioning whether or not she actually washed her hands, or where she put it while she did it. Obviously I have given this way too much thought.
2. As each player walks to the plate to bat, they get to choose the music that is playing. It ranges from country to rap to spanish rock. There was even an Irish Jig for Jack Hannahan. To the man that was sitting next to me before we had to move because you were so annoying, with music that diverse, it is not appropriate to do the robot dance with all of them. Also, sometimes it is appropriate to JUST STOP TALKING!
3. To Sandy Duncan, thanks for signing an autograph for Colin. It really made his day that a real life athelete at a real life professional sporting event took the time to do that. I know you are not a superstar of the team, but you are a nice guy.
4. Again, just because you can fit into clothes from the junior department doesn't mean you should wear them. If you are no longer a junior, please stop shopping there! I AM BEGGING YOU.
5. Finally, I didn't really want to go to the game. One of the symptoms I have with my high anxiety and depression is that it always seems like things will take an unattainable amount of energy to accomplish anything. All week, whenever Dave would talk about it I would have some excuse for why I didn't want to go. If I would have succeeded in talking him out of it I would have missed a night filled with this:
Jim Thome did not hit any home runs, but the Indians won the game! It was a really great night.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Other Things Keeping Us Busy...
As I have mentioned in every post for the last month or two, we have been really busy. Here are a couple of things keeping us occupied.
Adam and Marsena got married! You may remember me talking about them when I was telling you about the Fritz Family being my guardian angels. Adam is the oldest child in that family and he has been dating Marsena for eleven, yes, I said eleven years. They had just started going out when we started going to Tricia's house for babysitting. I remember telling Tricia that I wouldn't bother to get to know her because they were graduating and would be going their separate ways. I am so happy that I was wrong. Aren't they the cutest couple? I loved her dress, and we got a great seat at the family table.
This post is getting long. Next time I will tell you about Fun 'n Stuff. I believe this has been the highlight of Colin's summer. Nothing beats Laser Tag for an 11 year old boy.
Adam and Marsena got married! You may remember me talking about them when I was telling you about the Fritz Family being my guardian angels. Adam is the oldest child in that family and he has been dating Marsena for eleven, yes, I said eleven years. They had just started going out when we started going to Tricia's house for babysitting. I remember telling Tricia that I wouldn't bother to get to know her because they were graduating and would be going their separate ways. I am so happy that I was wrong. Aren't they the cutest couple? I loved her dress, and we got a great seat at the family table.
I also went to dinner with Kellie and Lynn from our 40th Birthday Weekend! That in and of itself is not that exciting, but my best friend from grade school, Susan, joined us. She left our school to go to a Catholic high school and we lost touch. Then she moved to California. The wonder that is Facebook reconnected us and we have seen her twice in two years. So. Much. Fun! With all three of these women, we had not talked in about 15+ years and it was like we had not missed any time. I am so happy to have reconnected with all of them. Aren't they beautiful? We have come a long way from bad perms and glasses. (Well I had a bad perm and glasses. Oh, and the braces added a nice finishing touch. It took a lot of work to get me to this place.)
This post is getting long. Next time I will tell you about Fun 'n Stuff. I believe this has been the highlight of Colin's summer. Nothing beats Laser Tag for an 11 year old boy.
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