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Wednesday, December 11, 2019

What to Expect When Your Child Goes to Basic Training

This subject was too hard for me to talk about for quite a while, and now I think I am far enough away from it that I can talk about it.  For me, the hardest part was the fear of the unknown.  I have never sent someone to basic training before, so how was I to know? 

Here are some hard and fast truths about basic training
  1. No news is good news.  Your soldier will not have phone privileges unless and until there is something very wrong.  If they call you in the "Red Phase", there is a big problem.  
  2.  The Army knows what they are doing here.  This is not their first rodeo.  It may seem cruel and heartless, and it really is.  Welcome to the Army.  If your child is old enough to have made the decision to join the service, they really don't need you while they are there.  This is as much training for you as it is for them.  When your soldier is stationed in a combat zone, (God help me!) they are not going to be able to contact you for a very long period of time.  You, as a loved one, have to be okay with that.  Think of it as the band aid of parenting being ripped off, really hard and really fast.  
  3. Write to your soldier as much as possible.  Share the address with anyone who might write. Support from home is so very important.  Go ahead and use Sandboxx as that will almost ensure you will have the correct address in the correct format, and it is much faster delivery.  You can also easily send a picture with each letter.  You wouldn't think twice about spending $3 or $4 on a card, so feel free to spend the money on this.  Your mileage may vary.  
  4. DO NOT SEND ANYTHING TO YOUR SOLDIER UNLESS THEY ASK FOR IT.  They have very specific things they can and can't receive, and it varies by company.  DO NOT SEND FOOD.  They WILL be smoked, and most likely, the whole platoon will get smoked as well.  (smoked is punished.)  Don't put your soldier in a very awkward position.  
  5. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DO NOT CALL THE BASE!!!!!!!  I really can't stress that enough.  The ONLY reason you should call the Red Cross is if there is a death in the IMMEDIATE family.  Notice that I said the Red Cross, and not the base.  Never call the base.   For those in the back that might not have heard the first time, Don't Ever Call The Base.  You will receive a letter from the Commander that contains dates of graduation, etc.  The only reason you will get a call from your soldier is if they are not graduating.  
  6. Make reservations for graduation as soon as you know when graduation will be.  Hotels on base WILL BOOK QUICKLY!!!  You will want to be on base as your soldier will most likely not be able to leave the base, and you will have to find something for your group to keep yourselves occupied, which is surprisingly hard to do.    This will also allow them to grab a nap.  They will be tired.  
  7. Social media is your friend.  Most companies will have a face book page where you can find out what is going on with your soldier and ask questions.  I was able to meet my own battle buddy moms who made the whole experience bearable.  We all shared information from letters and calls (they will most likely get phone privileges after "The Forge"), and together we were able to figure out what was going on.  Sometimes they posted pictures, and that was as if all of your best gifts in life had been placed together in one package and handed to you.  Not going to lie, the first time I saw one of Colin, I cried like a baby.  
  8. Please look at the frequently asked questions section of the page before you ask your own question.  Most of the main questions have been asked and answered.  Some several hundred times.  The moderators of this site will soon become your biggest ally.   They will likely know the answer to most questions, and if not, they can usually find the answer for you.  Again, DO NOT CALL THE BASE.  If these people think it is truly something you need to know, they will call for you.  They were patient and kind and truly angels on earth.  
  9. Sign up for informed delivery from the post office. It is easy and free.  You get an email every day showing you a scan of what will be delivered.  Again, whenever I saw one with Colin's chicken scratch, I would cry and stalk the mailbox.  
  10. Lean on any support you can find.  My Battle Buddy Moms, my family, and a group called Colin's Fan Club really helped.  
This will get you started, and just like nothing can prepare you for parenthood, nothing will prepare you for sending your loved one to Basic Training.  It is an experience unlike anything I have even imagined.  Buckle up Buttercup. You are in the Army now! 

Saturday, October 5, 2019

What to Expect When Your Child Joins the Military

Colin left for boot camp on May 14th, and he finally came home this week.  It was the longest 20 weeks of my life. I have sent the same kid to college and boot camp, and I am here to tell you that they are nothing alike. 

When I sent Colin to college, I had attended the same university myself.  I knew what to expect, and had a vocabulary to talk about what was going on and to ask questions.  In fact, I was able to ask him questions because there was a communication device called a cell phone.  I could text him or, much to his dismay, I could call him. 

Our family is not a military family.  When your child joins the military, your whole family joins as well.  We needed to learn a whole new way of life, as well as a new language.  Everything is an acronym.  I didn't even know what the words in the acronym meant, much less what the acronym itself meant.   To say that we were fish out of water would be a huge understatement. 

I had so many mixed feelings.  The most obvious and pressing was scared.  The fear of the unknown is a powerful thing.  I had no idea what to expect besides what I had seen on "Stripes" or "An Officer and a Gentleman."  Neither of those were something I wanted my son involved in.  I did some research, but that is like googling medical stuff.  DON'T DO IT!

I was confused.  I still don't know why Colin decided to join the military.  He has always held himself to a higher standard, and honor and duty are some of his strongest traits.  In fact, it is sometimes hard to be his mom  because those are impossible standards to live up to.  He has developed the same look of disappointment that my dad has that has kept me from doing stupid things my whole life.  They have a lot of eerily similar features. 

I'm going to be honest here, I was mad.  When your kids are toddlers and you dream big things for them, this would have been so far down the list as to not make the list.  Here is the thing.  Colin's life is not about me.  It never really was.  He was born going on 40.  In many ways, he raised himself.  I had my chance to make life choices, this is really his choice, and only his choice to make.  That is a kick in the stomach when it happens, and even more so when it doesn't fit into the neat little box of my dreams. 

I was proud.  It took me some time to get here.  I really thought I could change his mind.  He brought me along kicking and screaming since he was 17 and told me, while I was driving no less, that he wanted to join the Army.  I had to pull over.  This is when I was mad, and boy was I hot.  I am not proud of how I reacted.  It is my second biggest parenting fail for Colin.  I was talking about my utter dismay at the prospect of my baaaaaaby joining the Army, and one of my friends pointed out that he was going to do this, and he needed me solidly behind him.  Parental support makes things so much easier.  I have made a lot of parenting mistakes, but the one thing my kids know about us is that we are always going to have their backs, and also be their safe place to land. That was a turning point for me.  (Thanks Larry!)  Only 1% of the American population joins the service.  It is not even easy to join the service.  Warfare is not like it was 40 years ago, and they can afford to be more selective now.  Colin took the SAT of the army and scored in the 85th percentile which allowed him to pick his choice of MOS.  (I now know that this means mode or method of service.)  He chose well.   There are only 19,000 people that currently do his MOS.  It has been a long journey for me to accept this decision, but I could not be more proud of Colin if I tried. 

This week Colin graduated from AIT (Advanced Individual Training, not to be confused with BCT, which is Basic Combat Training.)  It was never so obvious that he made the right decision.  For the first time, he looked comfortable in his own skin.  He has found his people.  The Army has given him everything he has wanted and we never gave him.  Discipline and stability.  I will forever be proud of Colin for telling me something he knew would temporarily devastate me, sticking to his guns instead of caving to my will, and for knowing what he wants when he is 19. 

In more ways than one, he is my hero. 

Monday, June 24, 2019

I'm Still Waiting for a Call...

There were no rainbows and unicorns on Father's Day.  I felt like my soul had been crushed.  As the day turned into night and I knew it wasn't going to happen, I couldn't even cry.  I went to my room and just laid there.  I didn't even turn on the television as that would have been too much for me to deal with. 

I still haven't gotten a call.  Still haven't heard his voice.  It has been over a month. 

What I have gotten have been letters.  These are now my most prized possessions.  They reside in my fire proof safe, and besides Dave, Ryan and Max, they are what I would grab if I have to evacuate my house. 

These letters are amazing.  When one comes in the mail, I can almost forgive the Post Office for all the days that I come in empty handed.  I get a glimpse into his life, and they give me hope that I can make it for another five weeks. 

I know other companies have gotten phone privileges, but it seems that there are a few kids who can not find it in themselves to remain quiet during formation.  When graduation comes, I want to have a word with these kids.  All I need would be 5 minutes, but I suppose if they are not afraid of the Drill Sargents,  they will not be afraid of me.  Here is where they would learn that there are few things scarier than a mother that has been kept from hearing the dulcet tones of her son's beautiful voice. 

In the meantime, I will continue to stalk my mailbox for some camouflage paper and the chicken scratch that keeps me going. 

Sunday, June 16, 2019

Instant Gratification vs Snail Mail

I really had no idea how a cell phone has changed my expectations on instant gratification.  If you want to talk to someone, however novel that might be, you call them.  If you want to text, you can expect someone to reply relatively quickly.  Don't know a fact?  You can literally look up anything. 

Here is what you can't do when your loved one is in basic training.  Any of the above.  There is no communication unless it comes from the United States Postal Service. 

The USPS can be a heartless bitch. 

I haven't gotten a letter in over a week.  I woke up this morning with an actual heart ache.  It seems I have gotten my hopes up that since it is Father's Day, they might let our SIT (soldier in training for those that aren't in the know) call home. 

Somehow, I think that the United States Army is going to crush my dreams. 

I also had no idea how the cell phone has spoiled my simple joy of anticipation.  When I do get some kernel of communication, it is as if the sky has opened and rainbows and unicorns are flying across the sky.  It is so sweet I can almost taste it. So tangible I am carrying it in my arms. I have a renewed idea of the importance of quality communication over quantity.  Because space and time are so limited, I think before I speak or write.  I have my questions ready for when he calls.  I will savor his voice until the next time I hear it. 

Today might be the day that I hear it.  My hopes are so high that I woke up at 6am like a kid on Christmas morning.  I am trying to protect my heart in case I don't get what I want, but we all know exactly what will happen when he doesn't call.  In case you are wondering, just ask my family about the leather coat.  It wasn't pretty.

Today might not be my Christmas morning, but I know it is coming.  I know when it does that my appreciation for the gift of his voice will be better than all the leather coats combined.  It will be the best Christmas morning there has ever been.  I will be whole again. 

As hard as this is, I better get used to this because we are in the Army now. 

Tuesday, June 4, 2019

Random Thoughts - Memorial Day, Nashville, and Fitbit

This year, Memorial Day took on a whole new meaning.  I will admit that before Colin joined the National Guard I was guilty of enjoying a day off work.  Beyond that, I didn't give it much thought.  Now that it affects me, I gave it a lot of thought.  I thought of all the Gold Star families, and how hard Memorial Day is for them.  I thought of all the people in the Armed Services, and what they do.  I realize that in this day and age, a draft is unlikely, so they are all there because they choose to be, but they are willing to give far more than I am for this country. 

Other aspects I never thought of.  Colin's only form of communication is snail mail.  Hello, 1989 is calling and wants its communication back.  I now have a renewed appreciation for the mail service.  Also, in the old time movies when people would ask, "Have you heard from the front?" I didn't think about that beyond the plot of the movie.  Now I realize it is a true lifeline for us.  I wonder how Colin will be with technology once he gets home. 

I traveled to Nashville this past week for work.  Even though I didn't see much outside of the Omni Hotel, it is a lovely city.  I felt very safe walking around, and I even visited the Country Music Hall of Fame. There was music EVERYWHERE, and the food was amazing.  How does Ohio not have Chicken Fried Chicken in more places?  As in any big city, homelessness was a problem.  After a friend and I finished eating, we had a half a pizza left over.  We decided to give it to the first homeless person we saw.  There was a man digging through the trash and we asked him if he wanted it.  He said, "I guess I will take it.  It will hurt my stomach, but I will take it."  This made me think a little more about the situation.  My initial reaction was that this was a true beggar that is choosing.  My second thought was that it probably would hurt his stomach, but it was clean.  My third thought was if I was being condescending when I was trying to help.  I thought of my white privilege.  My last thought was that he was not obligated to like what I gave him, and I should remember that everyone has feelings.  I thought I was better than this. Maybe that is my problem, and this knocked me down off my high horse. 

I am now addicted to my Fitbit.  How can I be addicted to something that I hate?  Yesterday I was taking Max for a walk and remembered that it was charging.  I was so mad that I had wasted steps, and a flight of stairs.  My original reason for getting it was so I could see what time it is at night.  The clock is too small to see from my side of the bed.  Now it mocks me daily.  It reminds me hourly that I am a sloth by vibrating and telling me how many steps I need to hit my goal.    I do not like or appreciate the dissonant feeling it gives me, and I refuse to be ruled by it.  Guilted? Yes.  Ruled? NO.

All of these things are giving me big, uncomfortable feelings.  I suppose they are making me grow as a person, but I was happy where I was.  Growth is hard, but it is good, and needed.  I will just have to hang on tightly for the ride. 

Thursday, May 23, 2019

He's in the National Guard

Colin left last week for basic training.  I knew it would be hard, but had no idea how hard it would be.  It has taken me a whole week to wrap my head around it.  I have so many emotions that I just feel like I am going crazy. 

He was away at college all last year.  He is not the most outgoing communicator and I was trying to let him get his wings, so I mostly left him alone.  If I talked to him once a week, that was a lot.  We would text, but it was mostly things like what he needed, or when I would pick him up.  He only came home when it would make it worth his while to bring his video game systems home.  So never.  I thought I was ready.  Clearly I'm not. 

I knew dropping him off would be bad.  It was.  That whole day was bad.  I thought every phone call would be our last.  He ended up calling five times that day.  When he called from the bus taking him to his base, he sounded so scared.  I cried.  That was the last time we talked to him that wasn't a scripted call.  Until he got five minutes this week.  He cried.  I cried.  It was so good and so bad at the same time.  Conflicting emotions. 

I think the problem is that I just can't reach out to talk to him.  I could before and we chose not to.  He is going through the biggest thing in his life to date, and I don't know what is going on.  We can write letters, but that is like going back to the stone age.  All of the waiting is killing me. 

I am happy that he is doing what he wants to do.  I am proud that he is serving our country.  I am sure that he was as ready to go as he could have been, and I know he is strong in both mind and body.  I am scared that he is scared.  I am hopeful for the man he is going to be when he gets to the other side.  I am mad that he is gone.  I am confused about military life.  I am uncertain about what lies ahead for him, and how this will affect him long term.  Mostly I am tired.

If you ask me I will say I'm OK, and I am, because I have to be.  We are in the Army now.   

Monday, April 1, 2019

Random Thoughts and First World Problems

We had absolutely nowhere to go yesterday.  That NEVER HAPPENS, especially during AAU basketball season.  We had a rare weekend off because of Spring Break. 

Here is my first random thought:  Who thought it was a good idea to have spring break be the last week of March, in OHIO.  For those of us that don't go somewhere for vacation, it is still WINTER here.  In fact, as I look out my window, there is snow on the ground.  The one time I did go somewhere, it was still cold in Alabama and I had to wear a heavy coat to the beach.  My Father-In-Law got very sick and had to be hospitalized, and we had to drive for 18 hours. 

Because we had nowhere to go, I decided it was time to clean my bedroom.  Really clean it.  I emptied my closet, and only things that bring me joy made it back in.  I did seven loads of laundry.  (I had been putting it off for weeks, and only doing emergency laundry.  Seasonal Affect Disorder is real, people.) Here is my first First World Problem:  when I carried a laundry basket, my Fitbit did not register that as a flight of steps.  I WAS ROBBED OF AT LEAST 14 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS.  That would have earned me a Fitbit badge. 

My second First World Problem happened when I used the spare bathroom on one of those trips to the laundry room.  Somehow in one of my budget conscience trips to BJ's Wholesale Club, I decided that I didn't need Cottonelle and I could live with Charmin Basic.  It was cheaper to start with and I had a $3 coupon.  I thought we had used all of it, but there must be one roll left.  I am here to tell you, I NEED COTTONELLE.  I have decided that I have earned the right to have luxury toilet paper when in my own home. 

I also decided that I would cook ahead for the week like efficient people do, and also give Dave something better than PB&J for his lunch.  I have been working with a personal trainer, and he has finally convinced me that I need protein in my diet.  I decided to make a whole bunch of chicken with olive oil and salt and pepper to season it, along with Jasmine Rice (we are getting fancy here with the rice).  Here comes my second random thought for the day.  If you cut your chicken into strips instead of leaving it whole, it cooks faster.  Much faster.  I am now going to put my protein in the handy chopper with some bacon and add some blue cheese or ranch dressing and put it on a Triscuit.  I'm quite sure that is not what Steve had in mind, but he did say I could season to taste. 

With that, I leave you with the hopes that you have a wonderful week.  Rumor has it that our weather roller coaster will get us into the high 60's by the weekend, just in time for me to spend my days in random gyms throughout the Akron area. 

Saturday, March 23, 2019

My Life, An Update

So life has gotten in the way the last few years.  I was working at a job that discouraged political views being expressed, and the kids are older and don't love me talking about them.  I have been content to sit on the sidelines and let life go by undocumented.

All is well at our house.  I have a new job that doesn't care about my political views. Dave is still the same.  Colin has graduated high school and has joined the National Guard while completing the ROTC split program.  I never thought I would be a military mom, but I could not be prouder of the man he is working so hard to become.  Ryan is proud that he is officially taller than me, and loves playing basketball.  His life goal is to be in the NBA or to become an orthodontist.  I am glad that he has big dreams, and I know he can do whatever he wants if he puts his mind to it.  Max is slowing down, and that makes me sad, but I am enjoying him while I have him.  He loves that I work from home, and thinks my lap is his throne. 

Winter continues to kick me when I am down.  Seasonal Affect Disorder is real.  I am trying to combat this by working with a personal trainer with my good friend.  Exercise and a good dose or Lori three times a week have helped, but I am still down in the rabbit hole.  If I can just hang on a few more weeks, I will be okay. 

I can't thank my extended family enough for watching out for me.  My mom keeps a close eye on me even though she has her hands full with her own life.  My sister is looking out as well.  It really means a lot to me. 

My life is currently consumed by 7th grade AAU basketball, and while I complain about it, I really do love watching Ryan play.  He has come so far from when he played Upward basketball and cried on my lap because the boy just wouldn't give him personal space, even when he asked nicely.  He is funny and kind, unless he is on the court, and then he will take no prisoners and has a true "game face" that kind of scares me a bit.  He has fouled out of a game or two, and takes being aggressive to a new level.  He likes knocking people over, but helps them up after pushing them down, so at least he shows some sportsmanship. 

I hope to write once a week.  I miss this blog, and I miss reading it later and remembering the little things about my life.  Life is good, and I want to remember that instead of getting caught in the minutia.  Thanks to my friend Lauri for reminding me of how much I enjoy writing. 

Until next week, be kind to one another.