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Saturday, October 5, 2019

What to Expect When Your Child Joins the Military

Colin left for boot camp on May 14th, and he finally came home this week.  It was the longest 20 weeks of my life. I have sent the same kid to college and boot camp, and I am here to tell you that they are nothing alike. 

When I sent Colin to college, I had attended the same university myself.  I knew what to expect, and had a vocabulary to talk about what was going on and to ask questions.  In fact, I was able to ask him questions because there was a communication device called a cell phone.  I could text him or, much to his dismay, I could call him. 

Our family is not a military family.  When your child joins the military, your whole family joins as well.  We needed to learn a whole new way of life, as well as a new language.  Everything is an acronym.  I didn't even know what the words in the acronym meant, much less what the acronym itself meant.   To say that we were fish out of water would be a huge understatement. 

I had so many mixed feelings.  The most obvious and pressing was scared.  The fear of the unknown is a powerful thing.  I had no idea what to expect besides what I had seen on "Stripes" or "An Officer and a Gentleman."  Neither of those were something I wanted my son involved in.  I did some research, but that is like googling medical stuff.  DON'T DO IT!

I was confused.  I still don't know why Colin decided to join the military.  He has always held himself to a higher standard, and honor and duty are some of his strongest traits.  In fact, it is sometimes hard to be his mom  because those are impossible standards to live up to.  He has developed the same look of disappointment that my dad has that has kept me from doing stupid things my whole life.  They have a lot of eerily similar features. 

I'm going to be honest here, I was mad.  When your kids are toddlers and you dream big things for them, this would have been so far down the list as to not make the list.  Here is the thing.  Colin's life is not about me.  It never really was.  He was born going on 40.  In many ways, he raised himself.  I had my chance to make life choices, this is really his choice, and only his choice to make.  That is a kick in the stomach when it happens, and even more so when it doesn't fit into the neat little box of my dreams. 

I was proud.  It took me some time to get here.  I really thought I could change his mind.  He brought me along kicking and screaming since he was 17 and told me, while I was driving no less, that he wanted to join the Army.  I had to pull over.  This is when I was mad, and boy was I hot.  I am not proud of how I reacted.  It is my second biggest parenting fail for Colin.  I was talking about my utter dismay at the prospect of my baaaaaaby joining the Army, and one of my friends pointed out that he was going to do this, and he needed me solidly behind him.  Parental support makes things so much easier.  I have made a lot of parenting mistakes, but the one thing my kids know about us is that we are always going to have their backs, and also be their safe place to land. That was a turning point for me.  (Thanks Larry!)  Only 1% of the American population joins the service.  It is not even easy to join the service.  Warfare is not like it was 40 years ago, and they can afford to be more selective now.  Colin took the SAT of the army and scored in the 85th percentile which allowed him to pick his choice of MOS.  (I now know that this means mode or method of service.)  He chose well.   There are only 19,000 people that currently do his MOS.  It has been a long journey for me to accept this decision, but I could not be more proud of Colin if I tried. 

This week Colin graduated from AIT (Advanced Individual Training, not to be confused with BCT, which is Basic Combat Training.)  It was never so obvious that he made the right decision.  For the first time, he looked comfortable in his own skin.  He has found his people.  The Army has given him everything he has wanted and we never gave him.  Discipline and stability.  I will forever be proud of Colin for telling me something he knew would temporarily devastate me, sticking to his guns instead of caving to my will, and for knowing what he wants when he is 19. 

In more ways than one, he is my hero. 

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