Colin is growing really fast. I can no longer rest my chin on his head and I could do that just a few weeks ago. He is in one of those phases where the location of the end of his feet are a mystery. At the swim meet the other night he came over to me and told me that he fell into the baby pool and hurt himself. I was sitting by a woman who was rude and said that the only way you could do that was if you tried. She is one of those parents that thinks her child is perfect and she is the best mother ever.
I looked at Colin's elbow and got him a band-aid and sent him on his way. He came back about 4 times to tell me that he was really hurt and I poo-pooed him each time. In my mind, the baby pool is only one foot deep, how bad could he really be hurt? I didn't see any marks and had attended to his elbow. I didn't want to be seen as the indulgent mom in front of the other parents. In my gut I was wondering if he really did get hurt, but he has been known to make a mountain out of a molehill before so I just kept brushing him off.
The next morning when he got up he was really in pain. His neck was stiff from sleeping funny to protect his elbow and ribs, and it hurt his ribs to move his arm above his head.
I feel like I failed as a mother. I am supposed to be his advocate and his soft place to land (no pun intended). I should have listened. I should have asked more questions. I should not really care about what other parents think of my parenting skills. My responsibility was to Colin and his needs. He is a sensitive child and I should have taken that into consideration.
Why am I now 40 years old and still concerned about fitting in with the "cool" moms on swim team. When am I going to get over these feelings of being the annoying little sister trying to fit in with the big kids? When am I going to actually feel like a grown-up?
I will do better next time. I hope.
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